Just for fun...

let's discuss the little angel and devil on your shoulders that battle it out over helping you decide something. You know... the ones often portrayed in cartoons?



Well my little shoulder friends have soooo been going at it lately... over food. Yesterday my head was the battlefield over what to get at the grocery store. I was so in crave mode, but I didn't want to ruin everything I've already accomplished. Sticking with proteins and fiber foods has been working for me, but by the time I entered the grocery store, the devil soooo won. My low-carb angel was tied and gagged as sooon as I hit the bulk section. Chocolate covered pretzels, Peanut-butter cups, Almond bark all swam enticingly before my eyes... So I bought a couple of each (though I was conscious enough to stick to the more expensive sugar free kind-see! my angel wasn't completely silent) and then a few aisles later dropped my free with coupon, half-gallon of mint choco ice cream in my cart (with the intention of offering it to my parents for birthday celebrations-pfft... like that was going to happen), and then on the way out stopped in the buffet area and filled a little container with a few choice pieces of Chinese food.

My little devil was so thrilled, and when I got home we partied out with a couple pieces of chocolate, a few spoonfuls of chocolate mint ice cream, and some Chinese sweet and sour meatballs for lunch. And yet as soon as I was finished, didn't I feel like a big screwup afterwards. And of course my angel was no longer bound and silent and was now tsk-ing judgmentally in my ear, as my devil snickered.

*sigh* Looking back on the day I don't feel like I was a huge and complete failure, but seriously! Why does my little shoulder devil have to be so convincing sometimes :P

So... In honor of the epic food battle that took place yesterday with a disappointing but tasty conclusion, I present you with Kronk's mission. It comes from one of my favorite animated movies, Emperor's New Groove, where Kronk is also met with the torture of having to deal with an angel/devil situation. If I were only so strong as to tell both to "be gone" as he.

Battling Unbelief-Pride

Pride. Not an issue I battle with on a regular basis. I would say from a girl who suffers from insecurity and self esteem deficiencies, pride, in fact, tends to be the last thing I consider as one of my faults. So when I was presented with pride being the topic of our next "battling unbelief" bible study, I wasn't very excited. I didn't think there would be much to connect with for my own life. But I did wonder if maybe there was more to pride than just the arrogance and confidence that's normally associated with the term. And it turns out? Yup... that's totally the case.

Pastor Deone used scripture from James to define pride as this...

Pride is taking a different position than God because we think we know better and because we think we can.

"...because we think we can." How often do we rely on ourselves to get something done or deal with something ourselves without looking to Him for help? Often in my job, I spend so much time taking care of things myself, letting stress consume me, being unhappy, because I think it's my responsibility. I'm the only who can do it right. It's not so much a matter of being arrogant as it is me feeling like there's this high standard I need to live up to. I have a responsibility to perform certain duties. People are looking to me to get it done. If I don't, then who will? And then how it will it look. How will I look?

Do I sound a little *ME* focused? Yeah... and that's a problem. That's where the pride comes in. I'm focusing on the wrong thing. I should be focusing on God. I should be letting go of this pride I have about feeling solely responsible for my life and it's outcome, and simply rely on God to take care of it. I really should be living in daily dependence on Him. He wants me to. He asks me too. And yet once again. I don't trust in Him. I don't *believe* in Him to support me. I let my pride get in the way. I allow myself to be too independent.

My time needs to be spent talking and praying with Him. Who knows, maybe a decision that I'm planning on making is the wrong one. And maybe God wants to steer me in a different direction. But how would I know if I don't take a minute with Him. And that's where my walk with God has been lacking lately. I haven't been praying enough. And I know I need to. Sharing with Him the things that worry me or seeking his guidance about things I would normally just do on my own, is necessary. It will make me more alert and observant when God places obstacles in my path or clears an alternate route for smoother passage. I think just that little extra conversation with Him will open my eyes and make life clearer. And ultimately, make my life happier knowing I'm living in His will.

Battling Unbelief-Anxiety

So yesterday I went to a singles Bible study at my church. I've been searching for fellowship lately. Just been feeling really dry and thirsty for more Christian interaction and more lessons from God that didn't simply come from my own self realizations as I read the Bible on my own. So when I discovered this weekly Bible study on my church website, I felt God pushing my heart to go, if nothing else, to get more perspective on Him.

The only problem? My extreme anxiety about going by myself. Even though I knew my spiritual/intellectual self needed the nourishment, my social/emotional self could not let go of the fear of being socially rejected or feeling out of place.

Isn't it interesting then, that our focus in the scriptures during this Bible study ended up revolving around anxiety and how it forces us to abandon our belief in God. Ironic, no? Or is it God simply trying to tell me something? :P

So this is how, Pastor Deone Drake, the singles' pastor, defined anxiety.

Anxiety is a distracting concern that becomes a preoccupation and that interferes with our whole-hearted devotion to Christ

How true did that definition feel to me. And how very guilty did I feel in my realization of how applicable it was to my life. There are so many things that I overanalyze and stress about that completely occupies my mind and heart, when I should be giving Christ control of both. Whether it be self image, friendships, my career, my family... so much of it consumes me with worry, that I very very often keep Christ in the background.

Pastor Deone gave a great example of how anxiety can consume you.

Bees. It's easy to become distracted from whatever we are doing when a bee makes it's presence known to your ears with the annoying little buzz buzz sound it makes. And when it doesn't go away immediately, don't we immediately start to worry about being stung, and our mind becomes completely consumed with making it go away... or in my case, running far away from it. But really? When this happens? How many times does the bee actually sting us? Rarely. And the same could be said with our own personal anxieties. More often than not, our worries don't bear fruit, instead it just eats away at our hearts and minds.

Reading Matthew 6:24-32 I realized two things.

1. Anxiety believes it is possible to serve two masters. And if you are a follower of Christ, you know there is only one master. And just to be clear, anxiety, isn't it. (V.24)

2. Anxiety also believes God won't take care of you, even though He has a track record of caring for His creation. (V. 26)

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Do I not trust Him enough to take care of me, that I must be continually consumed in worry?

Just by looking at my anxiety in these two ways, I've realized I am suffering from unbelief. God knows what I need, just like a parent knows what a child needs, and yet I don't trust Him to take care of me. While it's more an insecurity issue, in my case, than a controlling one, I still feel overwhelmed by all the things I don't like about myself. In my constant worry, I put me first instead of Him. He needs to be my first and only master... not anxiety over "things"... and I need to remember that if He's taking care of the birds, he's certainly taking care of me and everything I worry about. Once I devote and focus myself on Him, the rest? He's promised to sort out Himself.
1 Peter 5:6-7

It's going to be hard for me. I don't expect my worries to just melt away. But I do feel better. Just going to that singles Bible study proved, my panicked feelings prior to arriving to the church, did not come to fruition. Not only did I start to feel comfortable, but God helped me meet a few new Christian friends in the process. Just goes to show ya, God knew exactly what I needed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm going to try to attend Pastor Dean Drakes singles Bible studies all summer. The next six? eight? weeks are going to be all about battling unbelief, but in ways you might not expect. My goal? To reflect on this series weekly here. And more importantly... it will get me posting on here with some regularity, which we all know has been an issue as of late ;)

Mosaic Blog

Ever feel down?

I did today... and a whole lot the past week or so... and I found the perfect solution. Giggling babies :D

*continues with desert metaphor*

Okay. So I'm hopping off of Eric's last post by sharing a desert of my own. My desert place the past few weeks has SO been this blog. I've been all dry and parched with the whole blogging thing. Do I be silly? Comical? Thoughtful? Serious? What can I write that will intrigue readers?

My problem? Well, lately my brain is in the mode of feeling unclever and unimpressive? and yes... I said unclever. Webster-worthy, no?... Anyhoo I know that I very much want this blog to be something that makes people smile or connect or at the very least, think. And I've pretty much had a whole lot of nothing to give in that department.

That is until I came across a blog at my local church website by a man named Jonathon Drake that really touched me today. It spoke to me in a way that connected with exactly how I've felt a lot lately, and gave me hope that even in those moments when pain grips your heart the most, God's waits for you on the other side of your hurt with comforting arms and a hopeful future. And while this is only me posting from my oasis,(I am still so in the middle of a desert with the whole blogging thing) I did want to share it because it felt like my lesson from God for today, and it only seemed right to provide others with opportunity to get a lesson too ;)


"The Best Hurt"

Returning from a Spiritual Desert

The past couple of weeks have been somewhat difficult for me. Being busy kept me from spending time with Him, which lead me to being Spiritually hungry. My life continued to be unusually busy, and that hunger went to starving. As is typical when spending too much time away from His word or fellowship with other Christians, I soon found my pride, a stiff neck, and a hard heart to keep me going in the absence of His presence in my life.

I could feel the gentle tugs of His will, trying to pull me back. It took a while, though, and required much gentle coaxing of my dear friend, the other author on this blog.

Over the last few days, finally, my heart melted again and I feel ready to receive His Word again, to spend time in prayer with Him.

Why did it take me so long to allow Him close to me once more? I think it comes down to pride. I'm a very willful person, and someone who likes to be in control. I like to understand everything thoroughly and be able to make very informed judgements. I have two degrees, a BS and an MA, both in a hard science. In actuality, I don't practice that science. I simply walked away after finishing those degrees and took up a job in computers, with no training.

So, I'm a man who likes to be in charge of matters. It's deeply ingrained in my psyche. When I'm not in control, I feel unsettled and nervous. Those feelings typically work against me, leading me to become irrational and angry.

That's one of the most difficult parts of being a Christian, for me. Is letting go and realizing He is in charge, not me.

I've been learning, however, that it is VERY important to realize and accept that He is in charge, ultimately. I've found in my walk with Him that it can actually be very empowering. Times come when one can never be truly in control, too many things happen that a single person can never manage. It's in times like that when a close relationship with The Lord can keep a person calm and sane.

In the end, what can be accomplished in life through His will is far more amazing than what my own feeble power can achieve. Just to see how He's affected my life is amazing.

But, more on that later. :)

In the meanwhile, I'm off to start this day, hopefully it will prove to be a day wrought by His will. I'm certainly going to try and pray my way through it.

I expect He'll take care of the rest. ;)

More muppet classics

Of course, since Kristine brought out the muppets, I've just gotta throw in with a classic...