Returning from a Spiritual Desert

The past couple of weeks have been somewhat difficult for me. Being busy kept me from spending time with Him, which lead me to being Spiritually hungry. My life continued to be unusually busy, and that hunger went to starving. As is typical when spending too much time away from His word or fellowship with other Christians, I soon found my pride, a stiff neck, and a hard heart to keep me going in the absence of His presence in my life.

I could feel the gentle tugs of His will, trying to pull me back. It took a while, though, and required much gentle coaxing of my dear friend, the other author on this blog.

Over the last few days, finally, my heart melted again and I feel ready to receive His Word again, to spend time in prayer with Him.

Why did it take me so long to allow Him close to me once more? I think it comes down to pride. I'm a very willful person, and someone who likes to be in control. I like to understand everything thoroughly and be able to make very informed judgements. I have two degrees, a BS and an MA, both in a hard science. In actuality, I don't practice that science. I simply walked away after finishing those degrees and took up a job in computers, with no training.

So, I'm a man who likes to be in charge of matters. It's deeply ingrained in my psyche. When I'm not in control, I feel unsettled and nervous. Those feelings typically work against me, leading me to become irrational and angry.

That's one of the most difficult parts of being a Christian, for me. Is letting go and realizing He is in charge, not me.

I've been learning, however, that it is VERY important to realize and accept that He is in charge, ultimately. I've found in my walk with Him that it can actually be very empowering. Times come when one can never be truly in control, too many things happen that a single person can never manage. It's in times like that when a close relationship with The Lord can keep a person calm and sane.

In the end, what can be accomplished in life through His will is far more amazing than what my own feeble power can achieve. Just to see how He's affected my life is amazing.

But, more on that later. :)

In the meanwhile, I'm off to start this day, hopefully it will prove to be a day wrought by His will. I'm certainly going to try and pray my way through it.

I expect He'll take care of the rest. ;)